


That's Just How I Roll

by Mothman_Is_My_Lord



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Endverse, season 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 11:24:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17559479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mothman_Is_My_Lord/pseuds/Mothman_Is_My_Lord
Summary: Dean never forgot what Zachariah showed him ten years ago.





	That's Just How I Roll

The wind rustled around him. The sight of Lucifer wearing Sam vanished before him; his future self lying dead on the ground faded as well. A warm presence surrounded him with the soft flutter of wings.

 

Once everything came into place, Dean had never felt better to see the sight of his friend: trench coat and everything, before him.

 

“We had an appointment.” Cas gave him a ghost of a smile, one that was so rare that Dean wanted nothing more than to hug the full powered angel in front of him. It wasn’t the lost and broken smile of the drugged out Castiel he’d seen from the future. This was a genuine smile rewarded by the smallest of actions.

 

Dean barely withheld himself. Instead of giving into his urges and hugging the holy tax accountant, he reached a hand out to grab his shoulder. The action was more to ground himself. He wanted to forget what he had seen but he had never wanted to stop something so much in his life.

 

“Don’t ever change.” Dean managed to say. He could tell by the way that Cas stared at him that he could tell something was wrong but didn’t push it. Dean couldn’t manage to bring any sort of smile onto his face so he hoped his eyes read how thankful he was.

 

\---

 

_“And now I'm powerless. I'm hapless, I'm hopeless.” Cas- future Cas, said. He gave Dean a look that told him just how tired the ex angel was. Their world had gone to shit, and the only escape Cas had found was through drugs, sex, and alcohol. Dean couldn’t bring himself to argue with him, he understood why Cas would be so upset. He’d believed in one thing and it turned around to bite him in the ass._

 

_“The way he...I looked at you back there,” Dean struggled to find the words but part of him knew that he needed to clear this up. That he wasn’t just reading between the lines. “You’re not like the others.”_

 

_Future Cas laughed at him. “I’m not like the others. I’m thousands of years older than them and I’m pretty sure any of them could jump me without a second thought. What are you trying to say exactly?” Dean was silent for a minute, trying to put the words together. Future Cas must’ve been able to see the serious air through his drugged mind, and had the decency to pull over. A car behind him slowed down and within a few minutes, Future Dean walked up to Cas’s window._

 

_“What’s the hold up?” Future Dean gave past him a pointed look before looking at Cas questionably._

 

_“You’re too busy giving yourself an aneurysm. You can go on ahead, we’ll be right behind you.” Future Cas said. Future Dean didn’t seem so sure but walked away nonetheless. He waved at the cars behind him to continue going while his car waited a few feet away from Cas’s. Future Dean leaned against the car ahead of them and patiently waited for them._

 

_“You both drown yourselves in women but there isn’t anything there.” Dean said eventually._

 

_“That’s kinda the point.” Future Cas retorted. Dean sighed._

 

_“But you’re both the home base.” Future Cas stayed silent for awhile. “You’re together, aren’t you?” Dean didn’t know what he hoped the answer to be. This was all Zachariah’s work and he was curious if the bastard had finally figured out what part of Dean he needed to poke. Sure, putting him into a world where him and Sam weren’t related wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad. But so far, here where Lucifer was dressed as Sam and Cas had fallen into a drugged out hippie. This one had hit home._

 

_The emotion behind those once bright blue eyes was soul crushing. Years of battle and death, being cast out from his family, becoming one of the weakest people when you used to be amongst the most powerful beings in existence. It had all taken its toll. But under all of that was one thing that Dean was almost sure should’ve been wiped away with everything else but instead it held strong._

 

_Love._

 

_By now, Dean probably should’ve figured it out that love was the one thing that had drug Future Cas to do everything he did. It was probably the only thing in this fucked up world that kept him going._

 

_“Tell me, Dean.” Future Cas refused to drop his gaze. “Tell me one thing I’ve done in your timeline that hasn’t told you I’d do anything for you. We’ve been through so much shit and yet for some reason,” Cas’s eyes left his, only to find the figure of his future self. “Your soul will always shine the brightest even when I can’t see it.”_

 

_“How? Future me is a huge dick.” Future Cas laughed and turned back to Dean._

 

_“Yeah, well...he’s my dick.” Normally, Dean would’ve laughed at the hidden meaning but somehow the hippie version of Cas was able to thread meaning and desire into it._

 

_“What if all of this doesn’t work out?”_

 

_Future Cas thought for a moment. “The only thing that I think we have left, me and Dean, is each other. If Dean says it’s time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, so be it. I’m in. But then,” Cas turned away from Dean to look at the future one. “That’s just how I roll.”_

\---

Dean’s eyes flew open, heart beating heavily. He groaned and pawed at his eyes, raking his hands through his hair. Part of him wanted to forget everything he saw there and the other wanted to remember so he could make sure it never happens. Then there was that unwanted third option that threw in the idea “what if it was all something Zachariah mad up to get him to say yes?”

 

The whole future ordeal had happened weeks ago but it plagued him as if it could happen any day. Sleep wasn’t a luxury unless he wanted to relive a different memory there. He didn’t spend much time in 2014 but he was there long enough to have small clips replay each day. When his mind had already gone through everything it would just start back over from square one.

 

It didn’t help that most of them had Future Cas. The more he thought about the future the more he wondered why they ended up in a relationship. Dean pondered this though through most hours of the night, wondering how a dick like his future self ended up with a loyal angel that fell for him. It got to the point where Dean entertained the thought of him and Castiel from his time.

 

He instantly kicked the thought away. They were in the middle of the apocalypse. So what if Dean’s insides got warm at the thought of being affectionate with the angel? So what if every time those electric blue eyes stared into his, Dean couldn’t help but shiver. He refused to be the reason Cas fell.

 

Dean kept this thought in his head for years. He kept it as they shoved Lucifer in the cage, while he tried to be normal with Lisa, when Sam came back soulless, when Cas started to work with Crowley, when Cas tried to play god, when they fought Dick and ended up in Purgatory. Eventually he got to the point where he almost said I love you as Cas beat the living daylights out of him for some bitch Naomi.

 

That wasn’t all. He bit his lip when Cas did become human. The poor guy was so beaten from being homeless and human. Not to mention having sex with a reaper only to be stabbed and killed (Dean didn’t have a problem killing her).

 

Dean had held back his feeling for so long. Over time they built up more and more. He’d never admit it but he loved the dork. He loved him so much he wanted nothing more than to protect him from everything. Dean wanted to hold him and tell him the angels falling wasn’t his fault, to kiss him and say that he’s sorry for kicking him out.

 

Of course, he did none of that.

 

Dean became a demon not too long afterwards. Then he released the darkness. Shit only continued to pile up; Lucifer, his son, the alternate universe, the men of letters, Michael. At this point, Dean wasn’t sure there would ever be a point where he could say it. Everyone that got close to him got hurt. People come after Sam all the time to get to Dean; they’d just use Cas as another way.

 

Sam walked into the kitchen during the middle of the night, only to find his brother wide awake, staring at nothing in particular.

 

“Are you okay?” It was a stupid question, they both knew it.

 

“No.” Dean said. “But I’ll live.” Sam sighed and sat down across from him.

 

“What’s bothering you? Is it...Michael?” Sam asked hesitantly.

 

“No. It’s...it’s something else that’s been bothering me for awhile.” Dean wasn’t sure why he said that. Maybe bottling his emotions up for almost ten years is a bad thing?

 

“You can talk to me, you know that.” Sam’s voice was quiet. Dean rubbed his face and sighed.

 

“The whole...saying yes to, Michael thing...I want you to know that it’s not your guys’ fault.”

 

“It’s not yours either.” Sam interjected. Dean waved his hand.

 

“Yeah, yeah, y’all keep saying that but my mind doesn’t believe you.” Sam opened his mouth to say something but Dean interrupted him. “Let me finish what I was going to say originally.” His brother closed his mouth and leaned back.

 

“Back when we had our first Michael and Lucifer issue, Zachariah kept sending me into different realities or timelines to say yes to Michael. At one point, he sent me to the future and at the time that was 2014. It reminded me so strongly of that alternate universe we rescued mom and Jack from. Sure, it was different in a lot of ways but at the same time...that Michael looked like he could what I was hoping to prevent. And then Lucifer got hyped up and I...I couldn’t take the same chance other me took in 2014.” Dean didn’t know if he was making any sense.

 

“Dean, that was years ago.” Sam said softly. “Do- you still think about what he showed you, don’t you?” Dean nodded.

 

“All the time.” He gave his brother a forced smile. “When I forget about it- it shows up in my dream the following night. Michael...when I wasn’t drowning he replayed that amongst thousands of other things I regret.”

 

“You don’t have to answer this but...what about that future made you scared about repeating it?” Sam asked. Dean figured he’d ask that, and right now everything was sort of flowing out so he couldn’t help himself.

 

“You said yes, which knowing Zachariah I should’ve totally saw coming. Then people were becoming infected with a Croatoan virus. Just take everything from your average Zombie Apocalypse and replace it with the Croatoan virus. And then Cas had fell. He was human but he was a hippie that used a crapton of drugs and drowned himself in women.” Dean looked down at his hands. “I guess some of it already came true but it was the small things I couldn’t take a chance on.”

 

“The Cas part through you off guard, didn’t it?” Damn his brother for knowing him so well.

 

“Do I want to even know how you guessed?”

 

“If you think about it,” Sam leaned forward. “Before, he sent us both into a world where we both worked at a corporate office and weren’t brothers. Then he throws you into a future where not only am I being messed with but Cas is too. The only real difference was that Cas was in it and while you were rambling you seemed to focus very vividly on the 2014 Cas.”

 

“It’s not just that, though.” Dean fidgeted in his seat. “Future me was a dick, and even though Cas knew I was sending him to his death he looked like he couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I acted horribly to him and he still followed me through everything.”

 

“He does the same thing now, Dean.” Sam said. “He’ll follow you till the end no matter what you do. How long is it going to take you to realize that Cas loves you?”

 

Dean smiled. “I already know.”

 

“I don’t think you d-”

 

“Sam.” Every part of Dean told him he was serious. “I know. It’s far from one sided by now.” Sam’s mouth dropped open.

 

“Why don’t you tell him? You guys could be happy, Dean!” Dean shook his head.

 

“I’d do anything for, Cas. But I can’t do that to him. People would just use him to get to me, heaven would just have another reason to kick him further out.” Dean’s eyes watered. “I’ll never love another person like I love him, but I’ll never put him in a position where my love for him could put his life in further risk.”

 

“Though…” A tear escaped Dean’s eye as he grinned. “I guess you could say, that’s just how I roll.”


End file.
